


Arbutus

by baby_bin



Series: iKON [9]
Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: (Percieved), Angst, Best friends Junbin, Bobby is stupid and makes many mistakes, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, Hanbin is sad and in love, Happy Ending, Junhoe is Hanbin’s Mother Bear, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Protective Junhoe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-08 07:02:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14099967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baby_bin/pseuds/baby_bin
Summary: Hanbin’s in love and it’s killing him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Hanbin hunched over the toilet, retching for the second time that day. He felt the petals forcing their way up his esophagus and he clawed at his throat, wheezing desperately for air.

The first flower emerged slowly from his mouth and it was like a dam broke after it hit the water. The flora poured out of him and all Hanbin saw in his teary vision was pink, the gentle color mockingly beautiful.

He sat there, panting in exhaustion with sweat pouring down his forehead, and stared inside the toilet bowl before letting out a hoarse laugh.

Pink camellias swirled around lazily in the red-tinted water, the stems scratching along the inner linings of his soul and throat.

“Of course,” he whispered deliriously, pressing his palm against his spit-slicked mouth to muffle a sob, “Of course.” _Longing for you_. Two months of hacking up flowers he didn’t want, two months after he had so foolishly fallen in love with someone who would never love him back, two months of him slowly dying from it.

He let out one more ragged breath and shook his head, forcing himself to stand up on shaking limbs and flushing down the evidence of his affection, the camellias disappearing down the drain.

He sniffled and washed his hands and face, making sure to brush his teeth and gurgle mouthwash to rid himself of the sickeningly sweet flavor of the poison he could still taste.

Someone knocked on the door and Junhoe’s loud voice asked him, “Hyung, are you done yet? I’ve been waiting for ten minutes!”

Hanbin cleared his throat and smoothed out his wrinkled clothes before opening the locked door, giving Junhoe a strained smile when the younger’s look of impatience turned to concern.

“You can have the bathroom,” he told him softly, wincing minutely at the pain in his overworked throat. He waved off Junhoe’s worry and started back to his room, calling back with small voice. “I’m going to go to sleep now.”

“…Okay,” Junhoe replied hesitantly and stepped around Hanbin, pausing inside the bathroom while looking at Hanbin’s retreating back. “But it’s only four in the afternoon,” he said to an empty hallway.

  
-

  
Hanbin collapsed onto his bed and jumped when he landed on something hard, which gave a grunt in return.

“What the – hyung?” Hanbin asked incredulously when Bobby’s head popped out from underneath Hanbin’s blankets.

Bobby gave Hanbin a sweet smile and Hanbin felt his heart skip a beat, automatically returning it. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you, but I couldn’t find you,” Bobby whined petulantly and the younger melted, reaching over to run his fingers through Bobby’s hair.

The older closed his eyes and hummed, reaching out to drag Hanbin underneath the sheets and against his warm body. Hanbin gulped and felt a familiar tremble in his throat before forcing the urge to vomit more flowers back.

“Hyung…” Hanbin trailed off and Bobby grinned, wrapping his arms around the smaller’s waist and burying his face into Hanbin’s hair.

“I haven’t been able to be alone with you for a while,” Bobby whispered, placing a soft kiss on Hanbin’s scalp. “I missed you.”

Hanbin’s breath hitched and he bit his lip to quiet a pained whimper. Why did Bobby keep doing this? Why did he keep treating Hanbin like he was the most precious thing in the universe, giving him the softest hugs and kisses, yet refusing to acknowledge their blurred line between friends and lovers? Refusing to acknowledge the love Hanbin _knew_ he was absolute garbage at hiding?

He let out a breathless chuckle, hoping Bobby wouldn’t notice his stilted pause. “You know I’ve been busy,” he replied in return and Bobby huffed indignantly.

“I know, but _still_. Give me attention!” Bobby demanded and Hanbin felt an involuntary smile spread across his face at the childish request.

“Okay, okay,” He cooed out and the older hugged him closer, sighing in contentedness.

They laid together in a comfortable silence, exchanging quiet words, until a soft knock broke through their own little world they had immersed themselves in.

The door opened quietly and Jinhwan’s head peered in, relief spreading across his face when he saw the duo. “Finally! Bobby, I’ve been looking for you!” He scolded and Bobby cocked his head in confusion.

“What for?” He asked the eldest and Jinhwan looked ready to march over and smack him across the head.

“Your meeting with the board that’s today in ten minutes? Ring any bells?” He asked exasperatedly and Bobby flinched, eyes going wide in shock and panic.

“ _Shit_!” He yelped and quickly scrambled out of the bed, looking back at Hanbin with regret. “Sorry, Bin, looks like I’m the one that’s going to be gone for a while.”

Hanbin smiled at Bobby, hiding the sadness in his eyes as he dug his fingernails into his arm to keep himself from begging Bobby to stay. The older had responsibilities and Hanbin didn’t want to face the humiliation of a rejection – even if it was given unwillingly.

“It’s okay, hyung,” he reassured him and waved goodbye at his hovering best friend. “Really, go!” Bobby wavered and Jinhwan clearing his throat sharply made him groan in frustration.

He pointed at Hanbin and vowed, “We’re going to get alone time if it’s the last thing I do!” Bobby ran out of the door and Jinhwan leapt out of his way before shaking his head when a yelp came from the hallway as Bobby accidentally ran into one of their members.

“What a mess,” Jinhwan snorted softly and Hanbin laughed fondly in return, nodding in agreement. “He’s lucky we love him,” Jinhwan added as an afterthought and the younger felt his mirth dry up as quickly as it had come.

“…Yeah,” he replied, quieter this time and averting his eyes to the space next to him where Bobby had occupied, the warmth already disappearing as if it was never there. Jinhwan left and closed the door on his way out, leaving Hanbin lying on his bed and alone with his thoughts.

“But, I think I love him a little too much,” Hanbin whispered out loud and closed his eyes, pulling the blankets over his head and burrowing into a safe cocoon, where he would stay for the remainder of the day waiting for someone that never came back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pink Camellia: Longing for you


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Issa long one this time, my dudes

News came from the meeting: Bobby was releasing a solo album.

It was both exciting and sad. Exciting because this was something he had deserved for so long, and sad because a solo meant less time for them.

Hanbin knew it was selfish to want Bobby’s attention solely on himself, but he couldn’t help it – he was foolishly in love.

Well, not that it mattered anyway. He hadn’t seen Bobby ever since he was called away from Hanbin’s bed almost a week ago. It would’ve seemed like the older was avoiding him if it weren’t for the cute text messages Hanbin woke up to, wishing him a good morning, afternoon, and night with a sweet heart added at the end. It never failed to set his heart into motion, a shy flush spreading across his face and neck as he held his phone to his chest.

Sometimes he wished Bobby would lose the ability to affect him so willfully, but he craved his best friend’s affection no matter what form it came in.

He sighed, curled up in a fetal position on the couch in the living room as he repeatedly checked the slow ticking of the clock. Bobby told him he would be back from the studio at 8:30, but it was already 10 and the dorm felt empty, even with all his members bustling around.

Slender fingers gently started to brush through his hair and Yunhyeong’s soothing voice murmured to him, “Come eat, Bin. Bobby’ll come back at some point.”

Hanbin shook his head stubbornly even as his stomach rumbled in protest from the lack of food since breakfast this morning. “I promised Bobby-hyung we would eat together.”

Yunhyeong paused and looked at him so sadly that Hanbin had to look away from that gaze, not wanting the pity he could practically feel radiating off the elder. “I promised,” he repeated in a softer tone, turning his face into the cushion underneath his head and closing his eyes tightly.

He heard a quiet sigh come from his well-meaning friend and felt guilt shoot through him. Everyone in iKON, except Bobby it seemed, knew about Hanbin’s love for the other rapper and they were only trying to comfort him – and all he gave in return was being a brat.

Before he could apologize, Yunhyeong leaned down and left a quick kiss on Hanbin’s head, his weight lifting off the couch as he cleared his throat and patted down his clothes. “I’ll leave the leftovers in the oven and you can eat it with Bobby when he comes back, okay?”

Hanbin had never felt more grateful for Yunhyeong’s acceptance and showed it by giving him a smile full of gratitude. “Thank you, hyung,” he whispered wholeheartedly and Yunhyeong gave him a fond grin, his eyes crinkling.

“Of course, Bin,” he replied before walking away into his room as the rest of the members also slowly dispersed from the living room. Junhoe, the last one to leave, dimmed the lights down. 

He hovered in the doorway for a minute before quietly calling out to his elder, “Don’t stay up too late, hyung.” Hanbin waved at him loosely and he left, leaving Hanbin alone with the ticking of their clock.

  
-

  
Hanbin jolted awake when the front door opened noisily and a thud was heard before a voice hissed out, “Ouch! _Shit_!” A few more curses and then a sigh of defeat. Keys jingled as they were placed into the bowl on the table next to their door and Hanbin slowly sat up.

“Bobby-hyung?” He asked hesitantly, squinting in the dark to try to make out the shadowy figure stumbling towards him.

“Bin?” Bobby’s voice asked him and he perked up, definitely feeling more awake now than he was a couple seconds ago.

“Yeah,” he replied shyly, trying to restrain his happiness at finally being able to talk to Bobby face-to-face instead of through text.

“What are you still doing up? It’s 12:45 right now!” Hanbin’s smile faltered when he realized Bobby didn’t remember.

“You said you were coming back at 8:30 and I fell asleep waiting for you. Yunhyeong-hyung left food in the oven, if you’re hungry.” Hanbin winced when he heard the petulant tone he accidentally used.

Bobby made a sympathetic noise and turned on the floor lamp next to the couch Hanbin was sitting on, bathing the duo in a dim, but warm, light. “I’m not that hungry, but if you want? I broke my promise to you after all.”

The older reached down to cup Hanbin’s fluffy cheeks and fondly rubbed little circles along the area of flesh. Hanbin sighed contentedly and bathed in the affection he had been deprived of for almost a week now.

He belatedly remembered the question after Bobby chuckled in amusement at him. Hanbin looked up at him through his lashes and felt immense guilt at the exhaustion clinging to Bobby’s eyelids and the dark bags under his eyes, the want to make things up to Hanbin being the only thing keeping the older rapper up.

“It’s okay, Bobby-hyung,” Hanbin whispered, reaching up to clasp his smaller fingers around Bobby’s wrists and reluctantly pulling him off. “Go get some sleep, you look tired.”

Bobby grinned sleepily and yawned widely, stretching his arms up and groaning as his bones cracked from sitting down too long. “I’m dead tired,” he confirmed and Hanbin pursed his lips as his feeling of guilt expanded at the statement.

Bobby leaned down to kiss Hanbin on the forehead gently and whispered, “Goodnight, Bin.” Hanbin hummed in response and watched Bobby slowly stagger his way through the dorm and disappear into the hallway leading to his room.

The small smile quickly slipped off Hanbin’s face as he beat himself up. “God,” he muttered as he pressed the heels of his palms against his closed eyes, “why am I so selfish? Of course he would be tired from working so long – I’m not helping him at all by acting like this.”

He took deeps breaths, but couldn’t feel himself calming down as his yearning for more than those light touches burned through him and the sudden, but helplessly familiar, itching in his throat had him scrambling off the couch and into the open bathroom.

He yanked the toilet cover open, the last thing on his mind being the clothes that had been sitting on it being tossed onto the floor, and retched loudly.

It was harder to force them out this time, he could feel long stems refusing to move from his throat as displaced petals pure as snow fluttered out into the water below.

The hypocrisy of a color that was supposed to represent purity coming  from his tainted soul startled a strangled laugh from him before he choked on his blocked windpipe.

He hacked and hacked until he became so desperate for oxygen, he forced his fingers into his mouth and _ripped_ the flowers out, tiny whimpers and sobs of pain escaping him as the stems that were being dragged out seemed to go on endlessly.

He could feel warm blood mixing in with the saliva covering his mouth and fingers and beautiful, red-stained white orchids emerged from him like a bloody offering, the damp petals and vibrant green stems tainted by his traitorous love.

He let go and they splashed into the toilet bowl below as he leaned his head on his crossed arms and took as many gulps of fresh air as he could, ignoring his screaming throat that had been scratched raw.

A few seconds later and Hanbin was so out of it, he barely heard the horrified, “Hyung!” until the thud of someone landing next to him made him jump weakly in shock.

Broad hands hugged him tightly as a warm body pressed against his back. Junhoe’s panicked voice filtered into his ringing ears, “Are you okay?! What’s going on?! _Fuck_ , there’s so much blood, wait here, I’ll call the ambulance –”

Hanbin interrupted with a sharp, “No!” and heard Junhoe take a deep breath in protest. “This isn’t something a hospital can fix, Junhoe-yah.”

He could practically _feel_ the confusion wafting off his younger member and reluctantly moved away from where he had been covering the opening of the toilet, letting Junhoe take in the crumpled flowers with their broken stems and the red water they were submerged in.

“This is impossible,” was Junhoe’s only response and Hanbin let out a hoarsely bitter laugh.

“I could only wish it was,” he rasped out and Junhoe shook his head before reaching for Hanbin and pulling him up, deciding that helping Hanbin took priority over this – _flower puking that was supposed to be a myth_ – thing that was going on.

Hanbin leaned against the younger heavily and he weakly flushed the toilet, tilting his head up to tell Junhoe, “I need to clean the blood up.”

The hollow tone his leader said it in made Junhoe come to the daunting realization that he was _used_ to throwing up beautifully harmful flora.

“I’ll do it,” he said insistently, swooping Hanbin up into a bridal hold and rushing to his room, where he deposited his pliant leader. “Be right back,” he tossed back as he went in to deep clean the bloody bathroom.

He picked up his clothes that had gotten splatters of blood on it and dumped it underneath his laundry basket, making a note to shower tomorrow.

For now, someone owed him a good explanation as to why they were vomiting flowers. Or, more specifically, _who_ they were for - even if he already had a very good clue.

  
-

  
Junhoe asked him one simple question when he had come back into the room, locking the door and crawling under the covers to feel Hanbin’s pulse with his fingers. “Is it Bobby-hyung?”

Hanbin flinched before slumping down in defeat, already knowing Junhoe would see the blatant lie if he said no. “I think it’s pretty obvious,” he answered back and Junhoe clenched a fist.

“This was just supposed to be a silly myth, not an actual disease. I mean, how could flowers grow out of you because of unrequited love?” Hanbin smiled, but it wasn’t kind nor happy.

“It’s very much real,” he said flatly and Junhoe winced in apology. Hanbin let out a soft cough and Junhoe’s eyes flew to his in alarm.

A single petal drifted out and Hanbin sighed, picking it up with the tips of his fingers and crushing it, releasing the cloyingly sweet scent. “Don’t worry,” he said to Junhoe, “this was just a leftover.”

Junhoe licked his lips in nervousness, swiping his thumb across Hanbin’s pulse point every few seconds. “You sound very familiar with this pattern, hyung,” he ventured cautiously. “How… how long has it been happening?”

“Almost three months now,” Hanbin murmured with glassy eyes, looking as if he was reliving a painful memory.

Junhoe tugged on Hanbin’s arm to bring him back to reality. “Is there a cure? Have you met anyone like you?”

Hanbin hummed as he rolled what he wanted to say through his head before nodding slowly. “I have met someone who went through this before. He was an idol from a disbanded group.”

He was more hesitant to add, “There are only two ways to cure this. Either they return your love or… or you remove it.”

Junhoe lit up, “Then, can’t you just get rid of it?”

Hanbin shook his head. “It’s not that simple, Junhoe. If I remove it, I forget _everything_ about that person – my feelings, my memories… everything. And I can’t let that happen.”

“So, what?” Junhoe asked incredulously, “You’re just going to keep coughing up bloody flowers until Bobby-hyung falls back in love with you? That could take years, we all know how dense he is!”

“I don’t think I’ll live that long,” Hanbin admitted sardonically and Junhoe sucked in a sharp breath.

“It’s _killing_ you?” He asked in quiet horror and Hanbin nodded, feeling like trash for putting such a distressed look on his pseudo-brother’s face.

He couldn’t do anything right, could he? First he acted like a spoiled child with Bobby and now he was hurting Junhoe so deeply.

Maybe it really would be for the best if the flowers over took him. It would be a horrifyingly beautiful death.

His boys would be okay. He had decades worth of songs in his studio and the only other person besides him who had the key was… Bobby, ironically enough. Key to his heart, key to his studio.

Junhoe saw Hanbin’s slowly darkening thoughts and said lightly, “I guess your interest in flowers was a little deeper than what you told us, huh?”

Hanbin let out a quiet, choked laugh even though it wasn’t even that funny. He kept laughing until it slowly evolved into hysterics as he started crying, the physical manifestation of his deep-seated longing for someone who didn’t love him back.

Junhoe clutched Hanbin closer to him and curled his larger frame over his leader’s, who suddenly seemed so much frailer and weaker than he had ever been in all the years Junhoe had ever known him.

He swore he would protect Hanbin if it was the last thing he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> White Orchid: (Loneliness; Wistfulness) I miss you
> 
> -
> 
> Hanbin has a horrible sense of self-worth and doesn’t realize that his boys will NOT be okay if he’s gone. 
> 
> He means so much more to them than the songs he can provide, but the little idiot can’t see it. :/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a little rushed. I wanted to post a chapter every 1-2 days, but I started my first job and it’s kicking my ass. I fell asleep because I was so tired.... 
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ oh well gotta make that dough

“Hyung, you have to go,” Junhoe murmured to Hanbin, who was curled up underneath his blankets again. He seemed to be spending a lot of time there, like it was a safe space.

“I don’t _have_ to,” Hanbin answered back meekly and Junhoe clicked his tongue at his leader.

“Bobby-hyung _specifically_ asked you to come in person, while he invited the rest of us through the group chat.” Junhoe reached over and tugged the blankets off mercilessly and Hanbin stared up at him, pouting.

“But…” Hanbin trailed off and Junhoe softened at his distressed expression. He sat down next to Hanbin and patted his head soothingly.

“Bring Jaewon-hyung with you,” he suggested carefully, “I know he makes you feel safe.” Hanbin blushed a little, but nodded in agreement.

Jaewon was, aside from his members, the closest person and confidant in Hanbin’s heart and having him there for Bobby’s pre-release party would be a humongous comfort.

“I’ll ask him,” he finally agreed and Junhoe cheered in victory.

“Bobby-hyung would sulk so much if you didn’t show up,” he crowed and Hanbin rolled his eyes, berating his heart for jumping at the thought that he might really be that important to Bobby.

“Get out, Junhoe! I need to call Jaewon-ie.” Junhoe stuck his tongue out at his annoyed friend and fled the room before Hanbin could throw a pillow at him.

Hanbin picked up his phone and quickly dialed Jaewon’s number, smiling when his older friend picked up on the second ring.

“What’s up, Bin?” Jaewon’s calm and fond voice immediately soothed Hanbin’s nerves and he hummed.

“Bobby-hyung invited me to his pre-release party today at 7, but I don’t want to go alone. Come with me!” Hanbin demanded in a childish voice and Jaewon laughed loudly.

“Not even a ‘please’? What if I was busy?” Jaewon teased Hanbin over the phone and Hanbin whined.

“But you’re not! Please come with me, hyung!” Hanbin pleaded, pouting when Jaewon hummed in thought, only doing it to make Hanbin wait impatiently.

He finally responded playfully, “I guess I’ll go. You even broke out the ‘hyung’, my biggest weakness.” Hanbin cheered and thanked him, hanging up and starting to get ready.

Bobby would leave a little earlier than the rest of them, since he was the main performer, and the others would follow after.

  
-

  
The bass was too loud and there were too many people, their sweaty and heated bodies pressing too close to Hanbin for comfort. Only the familiar arm of Jaewon thrown over his shoulder in a protective hug kept Hanbin from bolting out of the club and into the safety of his van.

“Let’s go to the stage!” Jaewon yelled in his ear, the music drowning out everyone’s voices until they melded into one huge symphony.

Hanbin nodded and tugged his hood further over his head, hiding his eyes from the fans surrounding them, his black mask providing extra security.

The two other members that came with him had already dispersed through the club, Donghyuk on the dance floor and Junhoe wherever the drinks and food were. Jinhwan fell sick and couldn’t come, Yunhyeong staying behind to take care of him, and Chanwoo was still a minor.

Jaewon and Hanbin huddled next to the little stage in the deeper part of the club, staying near the corner and in the shadows.

Bobby was standing in the middle of the spotlight, looking absolutely stunning in his sheer, white shirt that was only buttoned up halfway, his bronze and muscled skin on confident display. His light brown hair swept back, sleeves rolled up, and that smoldering gaze made Hanbin’s knees weak.

Bobby caught Hanbin’s eyes and lit up, a bright grin blooming on his face as he made his way to the duo, bringing Jaewon in for a brief hug before wrapping his arms around Hanbin and pressing their bodies together in an intimate embrace.

“I’m so happy you made it, Bin!” His warm breath brushed over Hanbin’s ear and he felt himself redden, only able to make a strangled noise of agreement back.

They stood there, basically cuddling, for minutes before Jaewon cleared his throat, a slightly bemused tone to it.

Bobby reluctantly separated from Hanbin and looked at Jaewon. “Bobby,” Jaewon pointed behind him, “it’s almost time for you to perform.”

Bobby nodded in thanks and cast one last look at Hanbin before turning around and walking to the center again, making sure everything was in order.

Jaewon slipped his arm over Hanbin again and asked him teasingly, “What was that about? A new development you haven’t told me, your best friend?”

Hanbin laughed, but it was strained. He could only wish there was something between Bobby and him. “No,” he answered back softly, “it was nothing.”

Jaewon frowned at his downcast tone, but as he was opening his mouth to speak, Bobby’s voice filtered over the club.

“Hey, everybody, it’s time for the show to begin! Are you ready?!” Bobby yelled and the crowd roared back at him in excitement.

The show was on.

  
-

  
Bobby was like the sun, he burned so brightly and his presence couldn’t be ignored. The crowd revolved around him as they chanted and danced in time with his rap.

Hanbin swayed from side to side with Jaewon next to him, half-proud that everyone could see his best friend’s brilliance and half-jealous he couldn’t keep it for himself.

As time went on, Bobby went to his last set and the tension heightened up.

Hanbin could see the people watching Bobby with fervent eyes, ready and more than wanting to devour him.

Even after he was finished, they all surged around him, desperate to steal some of his attention. Bobby flourished in crowds and this time was no different. He charmed everyone left and right, laughing loudly and smiling beautifully.

Hanbin stared at him, captivated by Bobby, until Jaewon shook him, snickering in his ear. “Stare any harder and you’ll burn holes in him.”

Hanbin jerked and flushed in embarrassment from getting caught. He ducked his head down and huffed, “Shush, you.” He sent a petulant glare at his friend before turning his gaze right back to Bobby.

He flinched. A girl had taken Bobby by the arm and dragged him off to the side, happily chatting to him and leaning against him suggestively, head tilted up to him and red lips opened in a sultry smile.

They must’ve been familiar, because Bobby didn’t shrug off her hands. Instead, he had wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer, ducking their heads together to talk in the loud club.

Hanbin felt his heart ache and a terrible anger flush through him, even as his mind reminded him that he had no right to feel this way. His lips pulled down in a sharp frown as his hands curled into fists. Who was she? What was she to Bobby? Why hadn’t Bobby even come over to introduce her or come back to _him_?

Hanbin’s vision tunneled until it was just the duo. He almost couldn’t see past the orange lilies and yellow hyacinths that seemed to flood his vision when the girl leaned up closer to Bobby’s ear and trailed her hand down his arm, choking on their sickly sweet scent as they taunted him with who he would never be able to have.

There was only one thought in Hanbin’s mind.

He had to leave, before his heart broke into un-mendable pieces. He ran from the club, shrugging off Jaewon’s arm and concerned look and darting out the exit, Junhoe hurrying after him when he caught a glimpse of his leader’s grief-stricken face.

They boarded the van together and Yunhyuk drove them back in silence, his grip on the steering wheel tightening almost painfully when the boy he considered a son started sobbing heartbreakingly, Junhoe desperately trying his best to soothe Hanbin.

Hanbin muffled his harsh coughs, turning his face away from Yunhyuk and hiding behind Junhoe’s protective hold. The yellow chrysanthemums that fell from his heart to his hands was a cruel mockery of comfort, a wickedly twisted kintsugi.

He crushed them in his hands and shoved them into his hoodie’s pockets, taking a deep breath and huddling closer to his taller member. He hid his face in Junhoe’s shoulder and Junhoe pulled him in, sitting with him as Hanbin sniffled pitifully.

Junhoe had witnessed that little scene between Bobby and the girl when he fled after Hanbin. He had never been more furious in his life, just _thinking_ about the way those two were intertwined with one another made him burn in anger, his grip on his leader tightening protectively.

A tiny sob came from his leader and Junhoe buried his face in Hanbin’s hair and grieved with him.

  
-

  
Hanbin shuffled into his room after Junhoe made him take a shower, slipping into bed lethargically as Junhoe hovered around his room.

“I’ll be fine,” Hanbin whispered, his voice raspy from his tears. Even with his eyes closed, he could feel Junhoe’s disbelieving gaze and he sighed. “I just want to sleep now. Can you turn off the lights, please?”

He sounded so small and broken that Junhoe couldn’t refuse him. He flicked the light switch off and closed the door gently, calling out a quiet, “Goodnight, hyung”, before walking into the hallway.

The door opened and, to his surprise, Bobby stumbled in, looking half-way to being drunk. Junhoe wasn’t feeling particularly kind towards him as he spoke to him sharply, “Why are you back so early?”

Bobby looked surprised at the almost hostile tone and answered hesitantly, “I heard Hanbin left…”

“So?” Junhoe shot back coldly, expression carefully blank.

“I just… wanted to be with him at least once today,” Bobby said weakly, looking uncomfortable as Junhoe interrogated him.

“He just went to bed,” Junhoe grunted out, opening the door to his room and entering in. “Don’t bother him.”

The door clicked shut and Bobby stood there, confused and stunned by the anger Junhoe radiated. He shook off the weird behavior and quietly entered Hanbin’s room, sitting next to him and gently patting his head.

“Bin, you awake?” He asked softly and Hanbin hummed in response. “Why’d you leave so early?”

Hanbin answered him, his voice small and oddly… hoarse? “I got really tired, so Junhoe came back with me.”

But you didn’t tell _me_ that, Bobby thought petulantly. “Oh,” was all he said in response. An awkward silence followed and he shifted. Hanbin and him were never supposed to be awkward, they were beer-and-chicken, the perfect combination. Or at least they were supposed to be.

“Hyung,” Hanbin whispered, sounding strangled, “I want to go to sleep, can we talk tomorrow?”

“Oh, sure,” Bobby said, feeling hurt at being dismissed so quickly without an offer to stay the night, like how they usually did. He stood up and stumbled his way to the door, looking back at Hanbin and loitering for a few more seconds before leaving with a quiet, “sleep well”.

As soon as he heard the door shut and footsteps fade away, Hanbin’s hand darted out and pulled his trashcan onto the bed, ducking his face into it as he finally allowed himself to throw up.

There were more petals this time around, seemingly making up for the stems being smaller and sliding out of his throat easier.

He almost wished for the long stems back, because the yellow petals filled his mouth and windpipe, choking him alarmingly quickly.

He heaved again, reaching up and pulling out as many as he could, though they felt like they multiplied two times with every one he threw away.

He didn’t know how much time had passed, but when he finished, he was sweating profusely and wheezing for air.

His trashcan, nearly empty before his episode, was filled to the brim with the most vibrantly beautiful carnations Hanbin had ever seen. Their soft, yellow petals flowed out of the top and down the sides of the metal container as the stems broke off and hung from the side, the heavy bulbs leaning dangerously.

Hanbin sighed, tying up the garbage bag with trembling hands. He shoved it into his drawer, making a mental note to toss it into the dumpster before anyone except Junhoe saw it. He couldn’t risk another member finding out about his condition.

The only one who knew was Junhoe and already the group dynamic changed. Junhoe stuck around Hanbin more, hovering over him with the intensity of a mother bear looking after their sick cub, and his relationship with Bobby went from painfully awkward to almost hostile, since he knew Bobby was the source of Hanbin’s pain.

The group was breaking apart and it was all because Hanbin made the mistake of falling in love with an unattainable person.

He rolled over and sighed, shaking off his dark thoughts and going back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Orange Lily: Hatred
> 
> Yellow Hyacinth: Jealousy
> 
> Yellow Chrysanthemum: Slighted love
> 
> Yellow Carnation: You have disappointed me; Rejection
> 
> Kintsugi: The Japanese art of mending broken pottery with gold


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, this chapter made me a lot sadder than I was expecting.

Hanbin was avoiding Bobby. There was no other way to describe how, for the next four days, he ducked out of any room Bobby came into and hid behind Junhoe’s protective frame whenever the older seemed like he was about to come towards Hanbin.

The others were slowly noticing, sending confused looks towards the duo before looking away when Junhoe caught them, a challenging expression on his face.

His presence was the only thing stopping them from confronting Hanbin about giving Bobby the cold shoulder, already having asked the other rapper and receiving a sad, clueless response.

Hanbin couldn’t have been more thankful for Junhoe, who took every measure possible to make sure Hanbin was never uncomfortable.

But, sadly, the day came where Bobby managed to catch Hanbin alone, after the whole group banded together to get Hanbin’s personal guardian out of the dorm under the guise of food and telling him Bobby was in the studio and, therefore, unable to talk to Hanbin, who wanted to stay behind.

Bobby barged into Junhoe’s room, a sting in his heart as he looked around and saw evidence of Hanbin all around. The leader had taken to spending all hours of the day he wasn’t working in the studio with Junhoe, the five other boys rarely seeing the duo around anymore.

None of them realized it was due to the fact that Junhoe had a personal bathroom, where Hanbin was safe to throw up all the flowers that came with his grief and where Junhoe could hover worriedly over the elder.

Bobby spotted Hanbin napping in Junhoe’s bed, the covers pulled tightly around him in a cute burrito. He lightly stepped towards him and sat down, reaching a hand out to place it on Hanbin’s cheek.

The younger flinched and woke up, eyes opening and freezing when he saw the one person he had been trying to avoid.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Bobby blurted out sadly, bottom lip jutting out in a petulant pout.

Hanbin seemed at a lost for words. “W-what?” He asked, half-awake and trying to gain his bearings back. He glanced around nervously, looking for the only person who made him feel safe nowadays.

Bobby caught him and frowned in unhappiness. _He_ used to be the one Hanbin looked for when he needed comfort and gaining proof that Junhoe stole his position was making him upset.

He asked again, an edge to his voice, “Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not,” Hanbin replied weakly, wincing at Bobby’s flat look. He fidgeted under the sheets and prayed that Junhoe would come back quicker, starting to feel sick at being in such close proximity to the person who filled him with bitter, broken love.

Bobby had enough of Hanbin not meeting his eyes and he gently, but firmly, grabbed the other’s chin. He tugged it until the younger rapper was facing him.

“What did I do?” He asked softly, wanting to fix whatever mistake he made so that Hanbin would stop ignoring him.

Hanbin face twisted in slight anger before it flickered out to just looking _sad_. “It’s not something you did, hyung,” he whispered softly, eyes drooping down as he moved his face from Bobby’s grip and flopped down on the pillow again. “It’s a problem about myself that I’m trying to fix.”

Bobby looked at Hanbin pleadingly, not understanding. “Tell me so I can help you,” he urged his best friend (could he even call him that anymore? Bobby didn’t want to think about it).

To his disappointment, Hanbin shook his head. “There’s nothing you can do.”

The words slipped out before Bobby could stop them, “But there’s something _Junhoe_ can do?” He reeled back in shock at how bitter that came out, not meaning to say it.

Hanbin went wide-eyed with hurt at his harsh tone and stuttered before a pissed voice interjected. “What the fuck are you doing in here?”

The duo looked over and there Junhoe was, in all his furious glory, glaring at Bobby like he committed a horrible crime – like dissing Michael Jackson, or going behind his back to talk to Hanbin when Hanbin didn’t want to talk to _him_.

The other members stood behind him and sent Bobby apologetic looks. Junhoe grew too suspicious at how nice they were acting and ran back to the dorm after he accidentally overheard them talking about the plan.

To say he was angry was an understatement. “Get out,” he spat at Bobby, and Bobby felt annoyance curling up in his gut.

“Why should I?” He bit back, clenching his fists to his sides and staring the taller straight in the eyes.

“Because Hanbin-hyung doesn’t want to talk to you.” Junhoe stated, lips pursed in a thin line. Bobby flinched back before scowling.

“Well, _I_ want to talk to him!” Bobby was aware he sounded like a kid, but he couldn’t help it. He just really wanted his best friend back and Junhoe was in his way.

Junhoe scoffed, rolling his eyes as he heatedly shot back, “And _everything_ just has to be about _you_ , doesn’t it, hyung? All that matters is what _you_ want, not what _Hanbin_ wants because apparently it doesn’t register in your brain that the world is more than your desires!” He panted breathlessly in anger after his long rant, the room staring at him in stunned silence.

Hanbin finally spoke up, voice sounding small and like he was about to cry. “Bobby-hyung,” he said tearfully, “can you please go? I can’t do this right now.”

Junhoe immediately strode into the room after the first word left Hanbin’s mouth and shoved past Bobby roughly, knocking his shoulder harshly before kneeling beside the bed and cooing at Hanbin softly.

He glanced at them and snapped, “You heard him. Get. _Out_.” Bobby nodded numbly and stumbled out of the room, closing the door as Hanbin started crying. The five stood quietly, listening to Junhoe soothe Hanbin and Chanwoo spoke up, “We shouldn’t have done this.”

Bobby scrubbed his face with a hand, feeling drained and guilty without a solid reason. He _hated_ being the source of Hanbin’s tears. “Yeah,” was his only response.

  
-

  
Inside the room, Junhoe ripped open the covers as Hanbin started to cough during his crying fit. He hated how he automatically knew when normal coughing became flower coughing, it had grown to be a heartbreakingly familiar sound over the past few days.

Hanbin flew out of the bed and staggered into the bathroom, falling onto the ground with a thump. He dragged himself to the toilet and gagged, Junhoe rubbing his back comfortingly while holding a water bottle.

It seemed like the sun was falling out of Hanbin’s mouth, bright orange and yellow petals in a huge, fluffy bloom emerging one after another.

Marigold, Junhoe registered in his mind. He was glad he decided to pick up a book about flowers, though he didn’t really have much use for it when all he saw were the deceivingly beautiful flora that his leader was slowly dying from.

He almost shouted in shock when dark crimson started mixing in with the lighter colors, thinking Hanbin was coughing up blood again until he noticed they were just huge, blood red roses.

His sigh of relief was cut off by Hanbin’s whimpering as the last flower fell out and he ducked down, unscrewing the bottle and gently lifting it to Hanbin’s mouth.

Hanbin tried to guzzle it down, but Junhoe poured water into his mouth in small increments, knowing it would only hurt his throat more if he swallowed carelessly.

“Better?” He asked after the elder finished drinking. Hanbin nodded weakly and Junhoe swept him up bridal style, carrying him back to bed and locking his door before slipping in next to him.

Hanbin shifted closer and tucked his head under Junhoe’s chin, curling his hands in Junhoe’s shirt as he closed his eyes.

“I thought I could get over him if I just spent some time away,” Hanbin confessed quietly, “but when he came in, I realized it was impossible.” Junhoe slid his hand up to caress Hanbin’s hair in silent comfort.

“It hurts so much. I love him more than life itself, and it _hurts_.” Hanbin buried his face in Junhoe’s chest, and the other didn’t complain about his shirt being soaked through.

“I know,” he whispered back, tightening his grip on his broken friend. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marigold: Cruelty; Grief; Jealousy
> 
> Dark Crimson Rose: Mourning
> 
> -
> 
> Junhoe and I are alike. When we see someone we deeply care about hurt, we go into mother bear mode. No, we don’t love them romantically, but we love them so, so much that seeing them in pain makes us angry and protective, to the point of being hostile if we know who is causing them to hurt so much. We love fiercely and passionately.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end.

Hanbin grew weaker as the days went by. The flowers became harsher, heartbreak wrecking him more than simple unrequited love ever did. The knowledge that Bobby already had someone, that this time there was not even a sliver of chance for Hanbin, was too much.

The retching became more frequent and Hanbin stopped leaving Junhoe’s room, the taller bringing him everything he needed and basically making his leader live with him.

After the little incident, the group couldn’t pull Junhoe away from Hanbin at all, no amount of pleading or bribery stopped him from guarding Hanbin like a bear would their cub. Any attempt to talk to him was met with a sharp glare and cold silence.

The one who got it the worst was definitely Bobby. He couldn’t even go near the direction of Junhoe’s room without the owner appearing and practically hissing at him until he went away.

Hanbin was too sick to know what was happening beyond the doors, almost permanently hunched over the toilets or falling into an exhausted slumber. The group’s long hiatus became a blessing to him during this time.

He already had dozens of completed songs in review, no dance practice, and no meeting up with the company board to discuss a comeback. He was free to continue dying in peace.

He huffed out a laugh at the morbid thought and immediately regretted it when it transformed into choking. Junhoe, who was pacing back and forth outside, heard him and flew inside the room towards the bed, not forgetting to lock the door to keep their members out before he lugged the trash can to Hanbin’s mouth.

Hanbin almost had the urge to let the flowers choke him and end his misery, but Junhoe was watching him and he refused to make the only person who stayed completely faithful to him watch him die like this.

The thought gave him enough strength to push on, heaving the last of the flowers out. Hanbin slumped down, head pounding as exhaustion ran through him. His body felt so limp and weak, he couldn’t even lift his head up towards the water bottle Junhoe extended to him.

Junhoe held back a tearful sigh as he gently cupped Hanbin’s head and tilted his face up, slowly pouring water into Hanbin’s mouth and watching him swallow it all attentively.

“Hyung,” Junhoe whispered sadly, “it’s gotten so much worse.”

Hanbin nodded weakly and closed his eyes as he replied, “I know.”

“You… you should tell him,” Junhoe suggested hesitantly, wincing when Hanbin sent him a flat look.

“Nothing good will come out of it,” Hanbin retorted bitterly, “He’ll push me away and be happy with his girlfriend and I’ll still be dying with the knowledge that he doesn’t love me.”

Junhoe slumped down and Hanbin felt guilty. He didn’t mean to be so sharp with him… He was just so _tired_ nowadays.

Hanbin sighed, “Thank you for all you’ve done, Junhoe.” He gave the other a small, but fond smile and watched as Junhoe tried so, _so_ hard to return it with only the slightest tremble on his lips.

“Of course, hyung,” he breathed out and watched as Hanbin drifted off to a fitful slumber.

His smile slipped off his face and he bent down, kissing Hanbin’s forehead sweetly. “I’m sorry, hyung,” he whispered apologetically, “but I refuse to let you go without being certain that Bobby-hyung truly doesn’t return your feelings.”

He straightened up and opened the unlocked door, sending one more determined glance back at his napping leader before leaving the room, the door clicking behind him ominously.

Outside, Bobby scrambled up from the couch as Junhoe appeared before him like a vengeful ghoul, pursed lips and thundering eyes with a purposeful stride.

“I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen,” Junhoe dropped bluntly and Bobby nodded quickly, thrown off by the fact that Junhoe was actually talking to him somewhat civilly.

“Hanbin-hyung loves you. That’s the plain and simple truth. Now, I need to know one more thing before I go back to him, and your answer will either make me happy or make me break your jaw,” Bobby flinched back nervously and eyed Junhoe’s clenched fist warily. “Do you love him back? Romantically. And don’t try to bullshit me by beating around the bush.”

Bobby swallowed, his throat dry and hands sweating. “U-um,” he stuttered out and the taller watched him impatiently. “I’ve never thought about it…?” He finished weakly.

Junhoe’s eyes narrowed and he looked extremely disappointed. “Then you better _start_ thinking about it. And quickly,” he shot back and abruptly turned on his heels to march away, leaving Bobby to stare at him owlishly.

On the other hand, Junhoe was beating himself up and hoping on all his luck that Bobby really did return Hanbin’s feelings. Or else he would be forced to do something _very_ drastic and possibly damaging his hard-won trust Hanbin had in him if he ever found out.

It would all be worth it in the end, as long as Hanbin lived. That was the only thing that truly mattered.

-

Hanbin woke up feeling more rested, though his throat was dry and his vision more hazy than usual. “Junhoe?” He called out softly and heard footsteps coming towards him.

“Hey, hyung,” Junhoe replied with a hushed voice, “how are you feeling? You’ve been sleeping for six hours.”

Hanbin smiled and joked, “That’s a lot longer than I’m used to.” The younger let out a quiet laugh and pushed a new water bottle towards him.

“You think you’re strong enough to drink?” Hanbin hummed in thought, carefully ignoring how much it hurt his esophagus to do that simple sound.

He reached for the bottle. “I can hold it, but,” he fumbled with the cap and watched in frustration as his fingers slipped off uselessly, “I can’t open it.”

“That’s better than yesterday,” Junhoe encouraged as he helped his limp leader. He pulled Hanbin into a sitting position and cradled his body as he gently fed him water.

Hanbin felt like a newborn, with how reverently Junhoe was treating him and how he couldn’t do anything without his aid. It was a novel feeling – he hadn’t been this helpless for many, many years.

He held back a yawn and regretted it when his throat spasmed around more flowers. He threw it up in defeated resignation, watching as five red carnations bloomed from him.

Only five flowers. Hanbin wondered if that meant his body no longer had the capacity to produce more, if his death inched nearer everyday. He noticed that the amount of flowers would decrease as time went by and this was foreboding.

Junhoe, on the other hand, fervently ignored the same conclusion he had come to and tried to be more optimistic. “There’s less this time,” he exclaimed weakly, “maybe that means you don’t need the flowers anymore?” His leader only gave a sardonic huff in reply and he wilted, wishing with all his might that that was what it meant – even if it was more a pipe dream than anything else.

Hanbin smiled softly. It was so sad, yet so touching that Junhoe would go this far for him. Even if he never gave anything back in return.

A knock on the door interrupted them and Junhoe whipped his head towards the door, eyes trained on it and body still. “Dinner’s ready,” Donghyuk’s soft voice called out to them and Hanbin nudged Junhoe.

“Go eat,” he encouraged, shaking his head when the taller made to protest. “You can bring me food later. How will you take care of me if you can’t even take care of yourself?” A low blow, but effective.

Junhoe pursed his lips and conceded, gently laying Hanbin back down and tucking the blankets over him again. He left the open water bottle on the table near Hanbin and got up, glancing back every three steps until he reached the door.

He hesitated to open it until Hanbin nodded and he left quietly, closing it behind him and locking it from the outside – a new feature he got added in after a member tried to break in after he had gone to dinner and left Hanbin alone.

The leader sighed, letting his weak smile slide off his face as he slumped down and closed his eyes, feeling his headache come back with a vengeance.

“I just need more sleep,” he whispered to himself, forcing back a cough and falling asleep, missing the quiet knocking on the door.

-

Bobby paced back and forth outside Junhoe’s door, twisting his fingers together nervously as he thought more on what Junhoe said to him.

Hanbin, in love with _him_ of all people? Hanbin, his leader and best friend, practically his soulmate? It was outrageous, that someone as amazing and enchanting as Hanbin could ever love someone like him.

He sighed, rubbing his neck as he stopped and leaned against the door, resting his head against the cool wood.

He didn’t know what to do. His feelings for Hanbin were always something he ignored because he knew it teetered on the edge of being _more_ than what it was now.

He needed to think about the consequences. He couldn’t be selfish in his desires, their steady dynamic had been the base of the group’s structure for so long that it was difficult to imagine it evolving.

Worry filled Bobby’s mind so much that he didn’t even see Junhoe coming down the hallway until it was too late.

“What are you doing here?” Junhoe’s inquisitive voice broke through Bobby’s reverie and he jerked up, eyes shooting open.

“I was trying to talk to Hanbin, but he didn’t answer,” Bobby replied, cautiously looking for Junhoe’s reaction. To his relief, the vocal only seemed mildly annoyed.

“He’s sleeping. Hanbin hasn’t been getting a lot of rest lately.” Bobby chewed his lip, eyebrows drawn down in concern.

“Is he okay?” The look in Junhoe’s eyes sharpened.

“Why do you care?”

“Why do I- of course I care!” Bobby sputtered back. Why _wouldn’t_ he? This was Hanbin, who pushed himself so hard that he shot straight past his limits, who could only be stopped by force, who needed a sleeping pill most nights to stop from thinking so much.

This was Hanbin, who Bobby cared about so deeply it ached. Hanbin, who he… _oh_.

Junhoe let a small grin slip out before he schooling his features as he observed the realization creep over Bobby’s face. Checkmate. “You don’t need to. I’ve been taking care of him.”

“He’s letting you?”

The other carefully crafted his response as he eyed the rapper with fake disdain. “Quite willingly, yes.”

Bobby pursed his lips in slight jealousy. It always took half an hour and multiple threats with force to get Hanbin to even _accept_ Bobby taking gentle care of him.

“Huh.” The short response had Junhoe crowing on the inside. He tilted his head and motioned for Bobby to wait while he slipped into the room.

Bobby fidgeted in place and jumped when the door opened again, barely catching a glimpse of Hanbin’s fluffy hair popping out from the bed before Junhoe locked the door with a soft click. His eyes were drawn to the book the vocal was holding out to him.

He gingerly took it and turned it over, raking his eyes up and down the novel in confusion. “Why a book about the flower language?” He mused out loud.

“Hanbin-hyung is into flowers nowadays,” Junhoe turned around and started walking down the hall before pausing and adding over his shoulder. “Some things are worth the risk, hyung. Remember that.”

He left the rapper to ponder on his words, praying Bobby would finally choose his happiness, would finally choose _Hanbin_.

Love was meant to be freed, not contained. It was time to be happy, the both of them.

Bobby stood there, repeatedly running his hands over the cover of the book before releasing a deep breath. He nodded and opened the first page with a pounding heart.

He knew what he had to do.

-

Hanbin woke up with an aching throat, smacking his lips as he swallowed dryly. He reached his hand out blindly and made contact with the open water bottle before tugging it weakly towards him and sipping on it, filled with gratitude when he realized Junhoe snuck a straw in for him.

After he finished all the water, he dropped it in the trash can and finally opened his eyes with a eye-watering yawn. The curtains were drawn, but the lamp was on, the dim lighting casting a soft glow over the room.

Junhoe napped on a chair near the bed, head tilted back and body loose while snoring. Hanbin laughed at the sight and noted that he felt a lot better than before. His body didn’t shake as he pushed himself up into a sitting position and off the bed.

He stretched, feeling and hearing his bones cracking from disuse. The first thing he did with his newly regained strength was put a blanket over Junhoe, tucking him in and petting his head gently. Junhoe mumbled and hummed before settling down more and Hanbin felt a fond smile grow on his face.

He jostled in shock when three sharp knocks sounded on the door, freezing as his mind scrambled on what to do. He didn’t want to wake Junhoe up, he hadn’t gotten much sleep since taking care of Hanbin become a top priority and Hanbin loathed to take this bit of rest from him.

He gulped and crept towards the door, unlocking it with trembling hands as he turned the doorknob to peek out of the opening.

Bobby stood there, fist frozen in the air to knock again as the two stared at one another in surprise. Bobby didn't actually think anyone was going to answer him, but he was glad it was Hanbin, who he wanted to see all along. Despite the civil interactions with Junhoe, it was better to be cautious with him.

"Hey, Hanbin," Bobby started awkwardly, cursing himself for losing his breath at the sight of the smaller male. God, it felt like it had been years since he last laid eyes on his best friend, though he noted with concern that Hanbin looked a little worse for wear. There were heavy bags under his eyes and his face seemed gaunt, the fluffy cheeks Bobby loved to squish so much almost completely gone. "Are you okay?" He asked, reaching his free hand out to caress Hanbin's face while hiding the other behind his back. He had something to give to Hanbin, but only after his worries were soothed.

Hanbin held his breath, shivering as Bobby's warm hand touched him so gently, lightly stroking him as if he was the older rapper's most precious possession. He registered the question and scrambled to answer him. "Um, yeah," he said lamely, feeling his face heat up at the stilted response. His hands clenched his shirt nervously and he almost wished Junhoe would wake up, but at the same time, he kind of missed this.

He missed the close bond Bobby and he had before his feelings got in the way. The carefree way they interacted, the casual touches and lighthearted laughter. Now every interaction they had was overshadowed by Hanbin's longing for more.

Bobby looked at the other in disbelief. He clearly hadn't slept or eaten in a while, despite Junhoe reassuring the rest of them that Hanbin finished all the meals brought to him. He decided not to pursue the issue more, recognizing the tense shoulders and set look in Hanbin's eyes that clearly said " _I'm not elaborating or entertaining anymore questions about this_." He wasn't here to confront Hanbin, so he did what needed to be done – he backed off and went to a different topic, the one he initially came here for anyways.

"Can we talk?" Bobby murmured, "There's something I need to tell you and," he glanced over Hanbin's shoulders at Junhoe, "I'd like for us to be alone for it."

Hanbin nodded hesitantly, stepping out of the place that had been his safe place and following Bobby to his room with one last look behind him. He met the open eyes of Junhoe and almost stumbled a step.

Junhoe mouthed at him, _Go,_ and Hanbin left with a thankful smile creeping up on his face.

-

"What'd you need, hyung?" Hanbin asked, standing in the middle of his room as he watched Bobby shift from foot to foot, his occupied hand hidden behind his back.

Bobby took a deep breath and decided to just go for it. Overthinking would only make it worse.

"I know that you're in love with me." He said bluntly, watching Hanbin lose all color in his face. "And," he confessed softly, "I'm in love with you back."

"I – what?" Hanbin stuttered out, completely blind-sided. He pinched himself on the arm, this had to be some perfect universe he dreamt up, one where the person he was in love with actually felt the same way about him.

Bobby stepped towards him until they were face to face, scant inches between them. He took Hanbin's hands and placed the hidden object he had been clutching onto for so long into Hanbin's palm. "I love you," he repeated again, "and I never fully realized it until now."

He spoke louder, more confident as he stared into the smaller male's eyes with an honest, fond look. "I love everything about you. How determined you are, the effort you put into everything, the absolute love and devotion you give everyone in your heart. I love you because of how hard you push us to our limits and how you only want the best for us. Even more, I adore how loving you are, your laugh when you feel so much happiness it can’t be contained. Somehow, you've remained so pure despite what we've gone through, despite the fact that anyone else would have become broken beyond repair. I love how affectionate you are, how you can't help but hug someone when you feel happy, how you love us so much you wouldn't think twice about destroying yourself for our sake."

Hanbin was crying, tears pouring down his face as Bobby pulled him in, cradling him against his chest as he finally looked down at his hand. He let out a sob, tears blurring his eyes, yet he saw the arbutus in his hand so clearly. It was small, but the vibrant red stuck out so clearly, perfectly bloomed and the physical declaration of Bobby's affection. It was so beautiful it hurt and healed him simultaneously.

"I'm in love with you. It's only ever been you." Bobby finished off, so, so gentle with his words as Hanbin buried his face in the crook of his neck, the arbutus pressed between their chests. Hanbin felt the flowers in his soul bloom, but it was as soft as Bobby's embrace, gently dissipating as love filled in the space they once took up.

A gentle touch on the nape of his neck and Hanbin looked up, eyes red and puffy, but he had never been more gorgeous in Bobby's eyes. "I love you," he repeated before closing the gap between them and kissing Hanbin.

Hanbin closed his eyes with a sigh, kissing him back so desperately that they molded together, two halves of one soul finally meeting together again in divine bliss. Bobby broke off with a pant, gazing so deeply into Hanbin, into the one person who had ever completed him. "Tell me you love me," he whispered.

"I love you, Bobby," Hanbin responded breathlessly, "so much it _hurts_." Bobby laughed so joyfully, hugging the love of his life so tightly you couldn't tell where they ended or began.

"I'll take away all your pain." Bobby vowed, sealing it with a kiss. "I'll never hurt you again."

"It's the promise of an eternity."

-

Behind the door, Junhoe watched them, eyes fond and relieved. It was about time for those two to find love in one another. To find happiness with each other.

He startled when Hanbin turned his head and met his eyes, Bobby's face resting on his shoulder as they swayed back and forth. _Thank you_ , he mouthed and Junhoe gave a wry grin.

All was well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Red Carnation: My heart aches for you; Admiration
> 
> Arbutus - Thee only do I love  
> \--  
> I have no words that could do justice for all the love and support I've received from each one of you that decided to read and stick around for this little piece of my heart.
> 
> Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy~


End file.
